By Muldoon Elder

Some people like to start the day with bacon and eggs for breakfast. Others like to snack on kippers. I'd like to start with a red herring: Entomology. Entomology is the study of insects. Etymology is the study of the origins of words. The one is E-N-T-O-M. The other is E-T-Y-M. P.T. Barnum would say that they were "close... but no cigar!" If you don't know the background of the origin of that phrase, it's what the circus side-show barker says when you're lucklessly trying to show your girlfriend what a macho guy you are at the circus by winning the cigar from taking up the challenge of trying to make the bell ring by slamming down a large wooden sledge-hammer with a huge wooden head with all your might on a receptacle device connected to a tall vertical shaft with a circular bell at the top which is patiently waiting to be rung by the little steel-ball projectile driven up the long, almost hopeless journey through the open tube of the shaft by the might of the blow from the mallet.

I hadn't thought about it before but I guess with that game, those circus people concocted a rather clever, almost literal, sexual metaphor. And the game doesn't stop there. It's also about sex and violence. Or at least about sex and strength. All this has NOTHING to do about what I want to talk about so please put this silly little distraction out of mind.

What I want to talk about is not S-E-X but rather E-T-Y, etymology, the study of the origin and development of words. The etymology of the word `etymology' is etymon, the Greek word for `true' or `real.' So etymology can reveal the original truth, the reality, which lies behind a given word. Since a good part of our thought process takes place with words, etymology, without its thinking about it, is also, to a great degree, a study of the origin of thought.

Let me give you an example of what I mean:

Take the word `discover'. Discover means to come upon, to find out. `Dis' is a prefix which means to deprive of or not or the opposite or absence of, so to `dis-cover' means to not cover or to uncover, which is another way of saying `to make known'. This implies that the thing may have always been there but had previously been unknown. So the act of discovering merely means to make something known which had previously been unknown. This sometimes happens by accident but it usually comes about as the result of someone's curiosity.

Now take the word `invent.' What does `to invent' mean? How does it differ from the word `discover?' We like to think that the word `invent' means to create something out of the originality of our own personality, our own self, our own ego, our own soul, our own being. We like to think it has to do with our own, great, creative genius. We like to think that an invention is something original, something which comes solely or essentially from the inventor. But wait a minute! Let's look at the etymology of the word `invent.' It seems it comes from the simple Latin word INVENIRE which means to come upon, to find.

So if we look at the origins of both `discover' and `invent' to find the essence of each word, we discover that they both have the same root sense and therefore have essentially the same meaning. There is no `I' there, there is no inventor. There is only the curious or accidental discoverer. The etymology of the word `invent' shows that we haven't created anything, we've just come upon it.

I suppose that in this sense we can say that Christopher Columbus invented America but we must also note that he forgot to name it. Or if he did, the name didn't stick. When Amerigo Vespucci re-invented America he remembered to loudly cry out his name for it, for isn't that what `inventing'is all about? Since everybody's always coming upon things, the real skill of the inventor must be in his capacity to name the things he's discovered. The essence of the inventor seems to be in the discovering of something, the naming of it, the announcing of it to the world, and then the linking of it to himself.

This method (which I've just gone through) of discovering or sussing out new knowledge or insights through the thorough chewing on comparative etymologies I now name `Elder's ETY-ANTI-Occam's razor.' It will soon be shortened to and merely called `disoccaming;' The act of finding unexpected truths by complicating the issue.

Did you like your tour through my little invention? Were you a lap-it-up-tourist? Which do you prefer, disoccaming or collecting butterflies? Etymology or entomology?

SPOOF ETYMOLOGIES

Question: Did the ancient Romans brush their teeth?

Answer: It's interesting that you would ask such a question. The etymology of the word `brush' which originally meant to grind down, actually comes from the derivative of the chemical base of the pumice stone that Early Romans used to remove the ugly stains on their teeth left by the taro root they were so fond of chewing. The word `brush' originates from the Latin word `bruscatium' a compound coarser than but roughly equivalent to what we know today as pumice. Incidentally, this foolish approach to tooth-stain eradication speedily removed the tooth enamel so necessary for the maintenance of healthy teeth and soon left most of Rome's citizens toothless, especially the upper crust who could afford pumice. This leads to another fascinating etymology, that of the word `vain', which originally meant `toothless.' Since the Roman's main motive for tooth brushing was to maintain an attractive appearance thereby nurturing one's vanity, the resultant toothless condition was associated with excessive pride. Thus `vain,' today's English word for `disproportionately or inappropriately proud,' originally meant `lacking front teeth, `(vanitas in frontum extractum quickem in Latin). This quickly degenerated to the more general term of `toothless' (vanitasissimus extractum allovem) which remained in common usage until the late Fifth Century in Rome and the fluoridation and dietary supplements of the Mid-Twentieth Century in England.

Footnote: An opposing theory which purports that the words `vain' and `vanity' originated from the rather amusing irony that the Ancient Romans brushed their teeth `in vain' is intriguing but unsubstantiated.

© 2006 ___Muldoon Elder

Research compiled by Glen Livit and Mary Wanna.